I am a huge fan of my to-do list. I am a huge fan of my to-do list because I love the feeling of getting stuff done. I love being able to think back on my day and say: I worked to accomplish these ten things.

There is a part of me that whispers: “you’ll be happy if only you do all the things that you need to do. You’ll feel peace when your house is clean, you are caught up on work, and when you are perfectly organized.” 

So I accomplish things and I check things off my to-do list. There is a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, almost always, that reminds me of all the things I have yet to finish. 

Can anyone relate? 

We live in such an accomplished-based society where running around constantly helps us feel as if we are doing something. And doing something is what matters - right? 

I think we all know, on some level, and I think we might need a reminder - we can’t work our way to happiness and peace. 

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
- Psalm 46:10

What we can do it let go. Let go of our idea that our accomplishments reflect our self-worth. Let go of the feeling that we will be happy when something gets done. If we live that way, happiness is an always distant idea. There is always something more that needs to be done. 

What we can try is taking a moment to be still. Take a moment to simply rest in the quiet knowledge that God loves us regardless of what we’ve accomplished that day. He loves us even when we do absolutely nothing to further our goals. He only asks us to be still and to be present with him. 

You won’t work your way to feeling happy and at peace. You won’t work your way to being satisfied when satisfaction is an ever-moving target. What you can work towards is being still and being present. Be still, and know that He is God. 

If you find the idea of going to counseling a scary one, you aren’t alone. Oftentimes people would rather deal with their emotions and problems on their own than talking to a counselor. To some, going to a counselor seems horrible. Here are some common reasons why people avoid counseling: 

"I don't want to talk to a stranger"

"It will feel awkward and I won’t know what to say"

"I’m too embarrassed to go to counseling"

"Only “crazy” people or people with serious problems go to counseling"

"I don’t want to talk about it"

"Talking about it will make me feel worse than before"

As a counselor, sitting on the other side of the counseling session doesn't feel scary at all! But I’ve been to counseling myself and I remember how anxious I was about it initially. Here are some of my most candid responses to these fears of going to counseling: 

I don't want to talk to a stranger 
Fair point. Talking to a stranger about things that feel incredibly personal is a weird idea. It’s also a great idea in therapy - the stranger that you’re talking to doesn’t have a personal bias against you or the people you might talk about. Your counselor doesn't even know them! You have the space to be completely honest. And the therapist that you're working with has a professional obligation to keep everything you say to them confidential. 

It will feel awkward and I won’t know what to say 
It probably will feel awkward at first, unless perhaps you immediately click with your counselor. Most of our meaningful relationships start with an awkward period in the beginning. Once the awkwardness passes you might find that your counselor can be a supportive and helpful person in your life. As for not knowing what to say, well, you are paying for this time. You can talk about literally anything you want. And your counselor will ask you questions - you aren’t responsible for completely carrying the conversation. 

I’m too embarrassed to go to counseling 
If you feel embarrassed to go to counseling, I would start by having you consider what feels embarrassing about it. Are you afraid to appear weak if you ask for help? Do you want to appear as if you have it all together? And most importantly: How is that working for you? It might be time to push past embarrassment if you really need the help. Also, your counseling appointments are completely confidential. No one has to know that you’re going to counseling. Of course, someone might see you walk in or you might run into someone you know in the waiting room. All that means is that you also know someone else who decided to seek help through therapy. 

Only “crazy” people or people with serious problems go to counseling 
You don’t have to have “serious” problems to go to counseling - though I’m not sure what makes a problem "serious" vs "not serious." If you have something in your life that is causing you distress and would like to talk to someone about it who can help, counseling is perfect for you. You don’t have to meet a certain standard to go to counseling. 

I don’t want to talk about “it” (whatever that big thing is)
Fair enough. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about things either. Especially intense things that seem scary to share with someone else. If you aren’t ready to talk about it, your counselor shouldn’t force you to talk about it. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk about things that you feel comfortable talking about. Counseling can be helpful for smaller things and bigger things. Sometimes talking through problems that feel smaller can help us gain confidence to talk through problems that seem bigger. 

Talking about it will make me feel worse than before 
Sometimes this is true. Sometimes talking about something does make us feel worse. But like a lot of things, facing emotions head on feels worse before it feels better. And sometimes our emotional capacity to handle our feelings get a lot better when you have a trained professional walking alongside of you who isn't fearful of exploring emotion with you. 

Maybe you’ve had a bad experience in counseling. Maybe there is a stigma against counseling in your family. I get it. As a counselor, I have been in counseling myself. Making that first appointment felt scary. I didn’t know what would happen and I was scared of the unknown. 

So why did I decide to go? 

The stuff going on in my life was way more unbearable than the fear of seeking out counseling. The things I was trying on my own weren’t working. My family and friends love me but are too close to help me solve problems without personal input. I needed - and wanted - help more than I needed to avoid something scary. 

If you think counseling might be a right fit for you, please reach out to Bethel Haven. Our counselors are ready to help - and they aren't scary at all. 

One of the fastest ways to cause a child or teenager to emotionally shut down is when he or she doesn’t feel heard.

As adults, we’ve maybe mastered the multi-tasking listen. Maybe it is hard to listen to everything a child tells us. Maybe some of those things seem really unimportant compared to the stresses that we encounter. But as adults, if you aren’t invested in the little things you might miss out on your opportunity to be involved in the big things. 

I talk to kids a lot - and I hear some very common themes when it comes to adults listening (or not listening). 

“My parent is always on their phone when I am with them. It makes it hard to feel like we are spending time together.” 
“My parent doesn’t ever really respond when I share something with them. It makes it hard to know if they are listening” 
“My parent doesn’t even let me finish talking before they move on to something else. I know they don’t care about what I have to say” 
“I feel like my parent doesn’t seem interested in what I have to say. They never ask me any questions about it.” 

Substitute teacher/coach/small group leader/etc for parent and you can start to see the picture of times that kids aren’t being heard. We aren’t intentionally ignoring the kids in our lives - but we might be missing the bigger picture of how we can make them feel heard. 

1: Put down the phone. 
The irony is that as adults we are always complaining about kids constantly being on their phones. But we have an opportunity to stop and reflect. Are we guilty of modeling that behavior to them? You might feel as if you are able to listen when you are checking an email or replying to a text. But the message your child is getting is clear: “I’m not being heard. Whatever you are doing is more important than listening to me.” 

2. Respond, even if you don’t know what to say 
You may feel ill-equipped at times to respond to your child or teen. You might not always feel like you know the “right” thing to say. This can cause you to be silent instead of responding. Have you ever talked to someone who doesn’t really respond to what you say? It makes me feel incredibly unheard. Even hearing “I’m listening” or “Thank you for sharing that with me” can go a long way in helping a child feel heard. 

3. Let them finish what they are sharing - either now or later
I get it - if your kid constantly has something to share then you may not always be able to listen exactly when they want to share. If you have the time to engage and listen, great! If not, acknowledge that its not the right time and then follow up. Make sure you remember to ask them later to finish their story. Or set a designated time where they can be the focus and have as much time to share as they need. 

4. Engage through questions 
This goes along with responding even if you don’t know what to say. How do we know if someone is truly interested in us? They ask us questions about what is important to us. They engage in understanding what we are talking about. They seek to know us better by asking us questions. They take the time later to follow up on our questions. 

Do your children feel heard by you? Do they feel like you are listening to what is important to them? The quickest way to find out might be to ask them! Do you feel heard? Do you feel like what is important to you is important to me?

If you feel like communicating with your child or teen has become difficult, try the things on this list. If you feel like you need additional help, don’t hesitate to reach out to Bethel Haven. We have wonderful counselors who can help rebuild parent-child relationships. 

Happy listening! 

There is someone in your life who says some pretty discouraging things to you throughout the day. This person notices when you make a mistake and is quick to point it out to you. This person is more likely to criticize than to praise. Their words have power over you. Do you recognize this person yet? This person is you! 

Whether or not we always realize it we have an internal dialogue going in our head consistently through the day. The term for this is “self-talk” and it describes the way that internal dialogue - and more specifically, the way we talk to ourselves. People typically fall into a pattern of self-talk. If we are not mindful of what our self-talk entails we can quickly fall into a negative pattern of self-talk. This can sound different for everyone. 

“I forgot my lunch at home. I am such an idiot, I always forget things.” 

“My mid-year review is coming up and I know my boss is going to have bad things to say about the project I’ve been working on.” 

“It’s my first day of school tomorrow. I know no one will want to sit with me. I am such a loser.” 

Self-talk can be messages that constantly replay in our mind. A lot of time these messages might have originally come from someone else - perhaps criticism from a parent or a teacher. But the way that we chose to frame our circumstances through our self-talk is important in changing our perspective. 

If we can rewrite the messages that play in our heads we can change our perspective. Rewriting these messages means recognizing truth about ourselves. In order to find out these truths we need to spend time thinking about the negative self-talk that we replay in our heads. When we recognize a moment of negative self-talk we have the opportunity to change the way we are talking to ourselves. 

“I forgot my lunch at home. I was rushing this morning because I woke up late. That’s frustrating but now I know I need to wake up earlier.” 

“My mid-year review is coming up. I am nervous about this project that I have been working on and what my boss might say. I am going to take some time to think about what I know I did well on.” 

“It is my first day of school tomorrow. I am nervous that no one will want to sit with me. I remember that I have made friends in the past and I can make friends again.” 

Take some time to think about the negative messages that you replay in your head. How can you replace those with truth that gives you perspective about you or your circumstances? What are truths about yourself that are positive? Are you kind? What are you good at? What are you capable of doing? What are good things that you have done? Who are people who you influence? 
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Speak to yourself like you would speak to a close friend or family member. Be kind to yourself. Speak love and truth to yourself as you do for others! 

It is that time of year where Target and Walmart have ten school supply aisles and those last few days of summer are upon us. It is time for our kids to go back to school which means making a huge transition from the fun of summer to the structure of school. There are ways that parents can help their children make this transition a successful one: 

1. Getting back into sleep routines 
No matter how much effort my parents put into me keeping a normal sleep schedule during the summer I always ended up staying up late and sleeping in. Those first few weeks of waking up at 6:00 when school started was miserable - for grumpy me and for my poor parents. Start prioritizing a school sleep schedule now. It is best if this begins two weeks before school starts but it isn’t too late to start now. Getting enough sleep is vital to students success in school. Help them start the school year strong by getting back into a routine school sleep schedule. 

2. Identifying a study space 
Go ahead and talk about studying expectations with your student. How much time will they likely need to spend doing homework? For younger kids, will they be able to do this on their own or will they need you to sit with them? Studying and homework is always most productive when it occurs in a specific study space - whether this is a desk or the kitchen table. Study places to avoid include in front of the TV or in bed. 

3. Talk about the emotions of school starting 
Is your child excited about going to school? Or are they dreading it? Set some time aside with each child to talk about the emotions of school starting. Address any anxieties they might have about new teachers, new schools or making friends. Help them identify the positives of school starting (without discounting anything they may be anxious about). Are they excited that they will have a friend in their class? Do they love their new book bag? Help your child talk through their emotions of school starting again. Listen to what they have to say and validate how they are feeling. Acknowledge that it is normal to have some fears and anxieties about the first day of school. 

4. Create a evening and morning routine 
Children flourish under routine. If you can set expectations for them before school starts then you will most likely be successful in helping lessen the stress of school. Create a morning and evening routine that your children can easily follow. This helps lessen the chaos of bedtime and of getting up to go to school. Print out these routines and put them somewhere that your child can easily see them. 

To help you talk to your kids about emotionally preparing to go back to school we've provided a list of discussion questions to cover with your child! We think these questions could open up wonderful lines of communication for you and your child. 

August is quickly approaching and with the start of the new school year comes the promise of Fall. It seems as if Summer just began and it is already time for the season to change again. I personally love the changing of the seasons because it reminds me of God and the way that he has designed our world. 

My favorite thing to watch during the year is how the trees change. They remind me of God’s promises in His word that there is a season for everything. Do you think the trees worry when their leaves begin to brown in the Fall? Or when the leaves begin to fall in the Winter? The trees remind me that change is normal, scheduled by God. Change is expected - and though the change in our lives may not always be as scheduled as the leaves changing colors in the Fall - it sometimes can be as scheduled as school starting in August. 

Change can create anxiety. When something changes we don’t always know what to expect. But God reminds us that He is always there to care for us even in times of change. He reminds us to: "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" (Matthew 6:26). 

As the weather becomes cooler and the leaves on the trees begin to change color, I challenge you to lean into your seasons of change. God has promised us that there is a season for all things. He brings us to seasons and He brings us through seasons. How beautiful it is to have a God who does these things for us! 

Trees do not stay the same forever. They take in water and sunlight. They grow taller and their leaves change, they flower, they fall. The seasons bring change in a beautiful way that can only happen in God’s timing. A tree can not simply grow taller overnight. A tree requires time, seasonal change, water and sunlight to grow into something different. If God can do such a thing with a tree, surely he can do such things with us!

Sometimes I lose track of what God cares about. There are days where I remember that God cares about sin and he cares about whether I live within his will. I forget that God cares about how I feel - he cares about the things that are important to me. 

God cares about our sorrows and our tears. The Psalms make it clear that God knows and cares about every single moment that has brought us pain: 

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalms 56:8 (NLT)

When I lose perspective on what is important to the Lord I forget to bring those things to him. If I think that he doesn’t care about my pain then I keep it to myself. 

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT) 

There is no worry or care that is too small for God to care about. He loves us and cares about us. He wants us to bring our worries and cares to Him. In fact, sharing these things with Him is vital to our relationship with Him. 

Share your worries and cares with the Father today. Share these things without fear and without doubt. For God cares deeply about the pain that you carry. He knows what brings us pain and he offers comfort in abundance. 

There are days where it is hard to find anything to feel thankful about. These are the kind of days when something happens to us that feels unfair and undeserved. God calls us to be thankful in all circumstances, regardless of how we feel about those circumstances. God calls us to take perspective of our circumstances and find the good even during the bad. We are called to rejoice in every single day, recognizing that “this is the day that the Lord has made;let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24). 

As Christians we are called to recognize that every good thing comes from God. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” (James 1:17). The source of all that is good does not come from within our own actions but from the outpouring of our Father. We have been given many gifts and talents that have helped us achieve anything good that we have in our lives. 

God does not call us to be thankful FOR all circumstances but rather to be thankful IN all circumstances. “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). 

Put this into action by joining our 25 Days of Gratitude challenge. We are starting every morning by thinking of 25 reasons to be thankful. You can read more about how this can change your life in our post here.

​What if I told you I had the secret to having a stronger immune system, lower blood pressure, and a better night’s sleep? The secret to being more alert, alive and awake. The secret to optimism and happiness? According to the decade long research done by Robert Emmons at The University of California, there a way to improve our physical, emotional and social health - and the secret is practicing gratitude. 
 
Emmons studied over a thousand people with ages ranging from eight to 80 years old. He found that people who are consistently thankful report benefits in their emotions, their health and their relationships with others. 
 
One of the easiest ways to cultivate gratitude is to use a gratitude journal. Like anything else in life, we have to be intentional about being thankful. Being thankful is easy when things are going well but practicing gratitude on a bad day is much harder. 
 
Do you think you can find 25 things to be thankful for every day for the next 25 days? That is our challenge to you! Once a day, every day, write down 25 things you are thankful for. The next day do the same thing. The lists can have similar things on them - but no cheating! Don’t copy your list from the day before. 
 
An important factor is consistency! If you miss a day, then the 25 days start over again. I’m currently doing this and I’m on day five (for the second time). 
 
Here are some sample things I’ve listed: air conditioning, a good parking space at Kroger, my family, my phone screen not cracking when I dropped it, a job that I love, friend who care about me, the milk wasn’t expired when I wanted a bowl of cereal. 
 
Can you join our challenge? What are some things that you are thankful for? 

The idea of being sad in the summer seems counterintuitive. Being sad feels associated with dreary winter days and no sunshine. However, the reality is that feeling a kind of seasonal sadness in the summer is perfectly normal. During the summer kids and teens are thrown off their normal schedule and routines. They might mess up our circadian rhythm by staying up too late and sleeping through the afternoon. There can be a sense of purposelessness in the summer without a school schedule to think about. 
 
Can you relate to this feeling of summertime sadness? If so, you aren’t alone. We have some suggestions for how you can battle the summertime blues: 

1. Keep a consistent eating schedule 
Don’t confuse your body with a weird eating schedule. Set yourself a consistent schedule so that you aren’t experiencing a blood sugar drop in the middle of the day. The schedule can be as simple as wake up at 9, eat lunch at 12, eat dinner at 6. When we let ourselves be inconsistent about eating our blood sugar will fluctuate and can impact our moods.

2. Don’t confuse your circadian rhythm 
Being awake during the day is important for our bodies natural rhythm. Our circadian rhythm is an internal biological clock that controls our sleepiness and wakefulness. If we stay up all night and sleep all day our circadian rhythm is thrown off which can cause us to feel moody or sad. 

3. Give yourself purpose 
Give yourself some (fun) summer goals that you can accomplish. Set your sights on reading five books this summer or learning a new skill. Just because school is out doesn’t mean that there can’t be a sense of purpose about your days. 

4. Get out of the house 
Take a shower! Put something on other than your pajamas! When you live in PJs and don’t brush your hair you are more likely to feel sad. Give yourself a reason to put on some normal clothes and take a trip to the park. 
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5. Turn off the TV & phones  
Having your face glued to a TV screen for hours upon hours can seem tempting. TV helps pass the time quickly and numbs you to anything else. But watching so much TV and numbing yourself out of feelings leaves you feeling empty and bored at the end of the day. Turn off the TV and put down the phone for a little bit of time and take a break from the screen. 
 
Summer can be a time of fun and relaxation! It is also the perfect time to find some balance and keep working towards healthy habits that lead to a well rounded life. Don’t let yourself get caught up in the summertime sadness. If you are feeling a sense of sadness this summer that can’t be solved by these suggestions, please seek help from a professional therapist. Some things we need help to work through and that’s normal and okay!