from the heart
a blog designed to promote help, hope, healing
We have a ton of talented people at Bethel Haven who are working hard to make sure that the Athens and Watkinsville area communities can receive high quality counseling services. We want to give you the opportunity to get to know our staff better with our monthly Staff Spotlight!
Today you will have the opportunity to learn more about our Executive Director, Jackie Jones.
How long have you been involved at Bethel Haven?
I have been involved with Bethel Haven for three and a half years.
What was it like getting involved at Bethel Haven?
Well, the same place that I sat to do my interview is the place where I did hours and hours of personal counseling. It seemed amazing that God would allow me to be a part of helping others experience the same growth that I was able to experience through counseling.
What do you love about counseling?
Counseling has been a game changer for me personally. When clients come to counseling they often feel overwhelmed, are lacking hope, and some of them are in true despair. After experiencing time with a great counselor there is a complete shift for our clients. It changes how they feel about themselves, their family dynamics, their work dynamics - it can really change us from the inside out
What do you love specifically about Bethel Haven?
I love that Bethel Haven makes counseling a possibility and not a luxury. We are able to step in and help regardless of what financial situation you are coming from. There are many people who call our office who have reached out to other places for help and have not been able to afford the session fees. A lot of times when people call and we share our price point they are overwhelmed with tears and gratitude. And I believe that we have the best counselors in town!
What do you love about being part of the Athens and Watkinsville community?
Our community has the deep desire to reach out and serve the less fortunate. Being part of a non-profit I have gotten to experience that in a new way. We have so many leaders with the focus of: “how do we help?” I love the fact that it really is a small town. Going out in the community I see people that we are getting to help all the time. That is exciting to me because I see that as we are helping them we are having influence with children, in marriages, and in many other areas.
What is your best mental health tip?
Mental health is just as important as physical and spiritual health. They are all tied together and to have a whole heart each of those things are just as important. I would love for our community to see that mental, physical and spiritual health are all tied together and equally important.
What do you like to do for fun?
I like to dance and love friends and connecting. Those are things that give life!
What is coming up at Bethel Haven that you are excited about?
Mental health month is coming up in May. It is our desire to show the community how important mental health is. We have a few events coming up!
May 2nd we are having a College Mental Health Night. On May 3rd Empire South will be partnering with us for fundraising. On May 4th is the Pounds Coffee Open House for mental health month.
Follow us on Instagram at @bethelhavencounseling or like our Facebook page to keep up to date on these and other exciting events!
It is at the point in the school year where high school seniors are experiencing the peak of senioritis and all they can think about is what is next. Many high school seniors are looking ahead with great anticipation of starting their college experience.
For many students, college is the “best four years of your life.” The reality is that the college transition can be a difficult one for many students. One of the best ways to prepare for this transition is to set realistic expectations for what this will be like.
As a first year college student, you will have new responsibilities.
Some of these responsibilities include maintaining a schedule, getting yourself to class, meal preparation and/or planning, managing your finances or a budget and creating new community.
Remember: Your responsibility will increase, but God's responsibility will stay the same. This means that you will need Him in new ways, and He will meet you in new ways.
2. As a first year college student, you will have more choices.
These choices will include your classes, your major, your career, who you hang out with, and how you spend your time.
Remember: Watch out for the comparison trap or sacrificing your values in order to "fit in". For example: Your friends may have their "life planned out" but this does not matter. Embrace the path God has for you.
3. As a first year college student, you will experience rejection and failure (in new ways).
You may experience failure in the classroom. You may experience failure in attempts to make friends and meet new people. You may experiencing failure in managing new responsibilities.
Remember: This happens to everyone. How you learn from failure and respond matters most. These moments are an opportunity to turn to God and see Him work in your life.
4. As a first year college student, you will experience a transition.
Regardless of how prepared you are, everyone must transition to college life. There is no way that you can anticipate all of the changes to come. What you can do is prepare for these transitions by managing expectations and setting up a support system.
Remember: Be prepared to experience some difficulty in your transition. It will most likely be challenging and that is okay. Who can support you?
College looks different for everyone. What is challenging for some seems easy for others. Some college freshman feel at home immediately while others need time to adapt. If you are a college freshman experiencing some of these challenges or a high school senior who would like to prepare for the transition, our counselors at Bethel Haven can help. Call our office at 706.310.9046 to make an appointment with a counselor.
"Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough." - Brene Brown
One of the most common things my clients hear me say: you are not a machine. You need rest. And sleeping during the night doesn't count as true rest. You can't just plug yourself in to charge at the end of the day like an iPhone or a computer. We truly find rest when we are able to sit quietly in the satisfaction who we are - regardless of what we accomplish.
It is tempting to live life as if our daily "output" determines our worthiness. To live as if finishing a to-do list is the most meaningful thing about us.
What if you woke up every morning and said to yourself: "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough?"
If we ascribe to Christianity and to being Christ-followers, we know that God did not design us to be little machines that output: "1 laundry, 4 errands, 3 bills paid." How many laundry and errands and paid bills does it take before we can accept our worthiness?
We must accept that God does not see us the same way we see ourselves. At times, we only see all of the things we have failed to accomplish. We see all the ways we don't measure up. God sees as as worthy, as new creations in him (2 Corinthians 5:17). He offers us new mercies every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).
Cultivate your courage, your compassion and your connection so that you can wake up every morning satisfied with the person you already are and have been created to be. True growth will come - not from the things that you accomplish but instead from the ways that you engage with worthiness from the person you already are.
Transitions within the family can be tough. Significant life changes can bring conflict, confusion, and uncertainty to a family system, uprooting consistency and stability. Family counseling is a great resource to process difficult circumstances as a unit. Seeking family therapy has proven itself to be helpful during difficult transitions including divorce, a move, grief and loss, adding new family members (birth of a sibling, grandparent moving in, etc.), and a new diagnosis for an individual. Fostering healthy family relationships during difficult transitions can help family members adjust to their new norm as a system. Changes in behaviors can often be seen most prominently within the context of the family. Family therapy can be helpful in navigating these life changes.
Some of the benefits of family counseling are as follows:
In addition to individual therapy, we offer family therapy at Bethel Haven. We would love to help you and your family build healthy relationship dynamics with one another through family therapy.
The beginning of the new year brings with it a clean slate and hope for a fresh start. It is often a time of goal-setting, resolutions, and changes. Yet, if you are anything like me, those resolutions sometimes to fall to the wayside around this time of year. Because of this tendency of mine, I have learned to set goals in a practical way that sets me up for success rather than failure. Here are a few tips to help you do the same!
These practical goal-setting tips can be used at any point during the year- not just the beginning! Anytime is a good time to begin moving forward toward healthy lifestyle shifts.
The holidays are upon us, and with the social gatherings, school breaks, and celebrations can often come stress and overwhelming feelings of loneliness. The holidays can often highlight our lack, bringing to the surface difficult emotions including grief, sadness, and anxiety. These emotions can feel as though they are on display in the midst of the expectations that come with the season. Practicing self-care during the holidays is helpful in getting through and enjoying this time of year as much as possible. Below are some tips and strategies to ensure that you are taking care of yourself during this season.
Be intentional this holiday season on what will be beneficial for you! Spend time with those who build you up and encourage you. Participate in activities that bring you joy. It’s important to know that you are not alone if you are feeling sad or anxious during the holiday season. If these feelings are persistent, consider seeking out a counselor for help in overcoming and coping with these emotions.
I will be the first to raise my hand and admit - the holidays bring me a special kind of stress. (Who can relate??)
My parents are divorced and the holidays put me in a mental and emotional place that makes me feel ten years old - stuck in the middle between my parents. Add to the mix that I am newly married and trying to make sure my husband’s family doesn’t get ignored and you have a recipe for disaster.
Not to mention the expectations that are represented in every Christmas commercial, Instagram post or movie - that Christmas is a magical time that brings everyone together.
You know what? Sometimes Christmas kinda sucks. And I have a theory of why that is. It is a simple formula:
Unrealistic and/or unmet expectations
+ unstated and/or disrespected boundaries
= holiday stress
1. Unhook yourself from unrealistic expectations and standards.
Christmas presents, cards, cookies, decorations, family photos - those don’t have to be perfect. It is okay if they are actually kind of terrible, in fact. Because life is not perfect - December 25th rolling around doesn’t somehow change that fact.
2. Connect with feelings of sadness or anger over unmet expectations.
It is okay if you are angry, sad or frustrated because something did not go the way you hoped it would. It is okay to be disappointed that *that* family member disappointed you yet again. Release yourself from the pressure to act like everything is happy and perfect just because it is the holidays.
3. State your boundaries clearly and SOON.
Let others know what they can expect from you. “We would love to host Christmas again but this is not a good year for us.” “We would love to see you on Christmas day but we have to do XYZ instead. We are so sad to miss it.” Be clear and firm. And remind yourself that boundaries are not unkind - but that it is kind to yourself (and others!) to set healthy boundaries.
4. Have a plan for your boundaries that are not respected.
You asked your parents not to give your kids video games and they just unwrapped an Xbox - what are you going to do? You’ve asked your mom not to mention your ex-boyfriend and she brings it up over Christmas dinner. Plan for it! Maybe it means making an appointment with your counselor to prepare or asking a friend for coffee to talk through your options.
Christmas comes around once a year, bringing lights and trees and stress along with it. The good news is, this too shall pass and you’ll have another 365 days to prepare for next year.
The bad news is, this old ‘holiday stress’ news will continue to be news until you take steps to change the cycle. Sometimes you need someone to help talk you through how to set and enforce boundaries. If you think talking with a counselor could be helpful, call Bethel Haven at (706) 310-9046 to schedule an appointment with one of our counselors.
Routine is part of all of our lives. Whether it is a cup of coffee every morning before work, a daily jog through the neighborhood, or watching a favorite TV show in the evening, we all develop patterns that create consistency in our day-to-day lives. Simple routines make our lives predictable and stable. Furthermore, rituals provide us with a sense of belonging and connection to others. Family rituals are consistent over time, but not necessarily part of the family routine. Rituals can include birthdays, religious celebrations, and other family traditions.
Children specifically thrive on routines and rituals. Creating structure through daily routines can be integral to a child’s development. In fact, the research shows that simple routines like mealtime and reading improve language development, academic skill development, and social skill development in children. Family rituals foster emotional development and trust as children grow and develop. Rituals strengthen the family identity and deepen relationships within the system.
Creating family routines and rituals can be simple, quick, and fun! Here are some routines and rituals you can try incorporating into your family:
Every family will not enjoy the same routines and rituals. It is important to find what fits the personality of you and your family!
A leading researcher in this field is Barbara H. Fiese. You can find more information and research on this topic here.
Our world often feels non-stop. We all have a million and one things that we can be doing at any point in time. For some of us, it can be hard to justify taking time for ourselves when we have so many other things that we can be doing.
We are human beings with a finite amount of energy. What we chose to spend that energy on is important. We make daily choices about where we are going to put our focus, our energy, our time. The concept of self-care easily gets lost in that shuffle.
Self-care is doing things for our own mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health. Self-care are the activities that go into making us feel more filled instead of more emptied. For those of you that feel yourself empty by the end of the day, self-care might be an important thing missing in your routine.
For those of you who were taught to put others first and to take care of everyone around you, self-care can feel selfish or counter intuitive. Why spend time taking care of me when there is so much that needs to be done?
The truth is that self-care is designed to be energizing. It is hard to do our best work when we are tired and drained. Self care is a way to recenter and rejuvenate ourselves. Giving ourselves the appropriate amount of rest is important to our daily ministry. Jesus performed miracles and even he took time to rest. In fact, he took some time with his disciples to rest before performing his miracle of feeding five thousand.
“The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”” - Mark 6:30-31
Take some time to identify how you’re feeling today. Have you had a chance to eat? To sleep? To exercise? To spend some time with your Savior in a quiet place and to get some rest? Don’t forget to take care of yourself so that you can be re-energized to do amazing things!
I spent a lot of my life not being the best listener. I cared about what other people had to say. I cared a little bit more about letting myself be heard. Maybe this is exclusively a “me” problem but I get the feeling that I'm not the only one having a hard time really listening.
Many of us go throughout our days feeling unheard by those around us. Sometimes we have to be assertive in order to be heard by others. And some of us may fall on the other end of the spectrum. The side where we appear to be listening, but we aren’t really hearing. This might look like nodding our heads as our friend is sharing about their lives (while thinking about our grocery lists).
My job as a counselor involves a huge amount of listening. It is important that people feel heard when they are sitting in front of me and sharing their stories. But I didn’t wake up one day suddenly a good listener. I practiced so that I could be better. I got better because I want the people in my life to feel heard and feel important.
How can we make sure people know we are truly hearing what they are saying? How can we make our significant others, our children, our friends, our small group at church feel heard and understood?
1. Be mindful and present. This is maybe one of the hardest things to do but the most important. If someone is talking to us we have to be present. That means pushing away the distractions, putting down our cell phone and truly being in the moment. Look at the person who is speaking and give them your full attention.
2. Be aware of “one-upping.” This is so easy to do and usually the person doing it usually doesn’t have bad intentions. Someone tells a story and we have one that relates so closely to theirs that we want to share. However, this can leave someone feeling ignored and like their story was not fully appreciated.
3. Say thank you. I always try to treat the words that are shared with me as a gift. Sharing your life with someone is huge! Being vulnerable is hard to do. If someone is willing to be vulnerable with you, honor the gift that they gave you. Even a simple “thank you so much for choosing to share that with me,” can go a long way.
4. Remember what you hear. A good gauge of whether you’re listening to something is what you remember. If someone tells you something that is important to them make that thing important to you. We can love on the people around us by remembering the things that are on their hearts and on their mind.
Maybe you’re living on the other side of this. Maybe you don’t feel heard by the people in your life. What you have to say is valuable and important. I hope that we are all able to find the people in our lives who we can be vulnerable with. Connection is so important and connection begins with listening to the stories that we all have to share.
Written by our counselors to help promote your help, hope, healing