For a lot of people this week kicks off the start of the holiday season, which often coincides with overloaded schedules and more visits with family.  Regardless of whether you love your family or you would rather spend time anywhere but there (wherever there is for you), many people have concerns about how to handle different conversations and take care of their mental health in this season.

Reminder: You can say “No” and it be a complete sentence.
Many of us forget that no can be a complete sentence.  As a society, we are used to people giving us explanations for saying no and then having those explanations judged as valid or not.  But here’s the thing - if we always say yes, our yeses can become less valuable because others assume we will always say yes. Saying no can help us build a culture of consent and teach people to honor our choices.  If the thought of saying “no, thanks” feels enormous, here are some other options:

• "If I say yes to this, I have to cancel plans that are already set."
• "That sounds amazing, but I’m going to have to pass this time."
• "I’ve decided on having one drink/glass/dessert/helping this time."
• "I can’t make that work, but how about (offer another possibility)."

And as a reminder, even if someone gets upset with your no, it doesn’t mean that you should have said yes.  

Permission slip: You have permission to choose what conversations you engage in.
There is nothing like the family table to bring up tense, heated discussions.  You are hereby granted, through the power of this blog post, to remove yourself from conversations you don’t want to participate in.  Not sure how to side step a conversation? Here are some ideas:

• "I would rather hear about what is keeping you busy than to discuss politics!"
• "I appreciate your interest, but I’m not comfortable talking about that.  Can you pass the potatoes?"
• "I'm thankful to have people in my life that are so interested in my next steps.  If anything new comes up or changes, I’ll let you know."
• "I’m not sure.  What is the most challenging part of college/marriage/parenthood/etc to you?"
• "That is any interesting question.  Are you concerned about me/the economy/politics/religion?"

Something to Note: You get to create boundaries that work for you.
Sometimes family members have exceptions about something because “it’s always been that way”.  If that works for you that is great, but sometimes old systems or expectations stop working for us as we age, grow, and create our own internal ideas.  This holiday season, you can create boundaries that work for you. They could look like this:

• "I can only stay until 5:00 because I have a long drive and work tomorrow."
• "I’m not giving hugs this year but I’d love to give you a high-five."
• "I can only make two dishes this year, what is most important to you?"
• "I am not engaging in conversations about weight and diet, excuse me (then walk away)."
• "I will be able to attend two family events this season."

Holidays can be hard, but they don’t have to negatively impact your mental health.  You can do this! You are capable and able to stand firm in your needs — don’t underestimate your personal power and conviction.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, also known as EMDR, is a therapy treatment originally designed to reduce stress related to PTSD and other traumas.  This treatment modality has gained a lot of popularity since its founding in the late 1980s and has been utilized as a gold standard treatment for several mental health concerns over the past 25 year.  

So what exactly is EMDR?
EMDR harnesses the brain’s natural tendency to move toward mental health by encouraging the system to consider past disturbing events in a detached way.  The brain does this by following clinician-led bilateral (two ways, side to side, and often left to right) movements or sounds with the goal of replacing maladaptive or negative thoughts with more adaptive or positive thoughts.  The most popular bilateral method uses eye movements which mimics REM sleep (the good, deep, reparative sleep).
So you’re saying it’s hypnosis?

No, it’s not hypnosis!  The client is fully awake, fully aware, and fully able to control the processing experience.  The processing time is a lot like watching a movie of past life events going by—you might experience them by feeling some of the past emotions and body sensations but you do not have to fully re-experience the event.  

How long does EMDR take?

Much like other methods of counseling there is no one answer that fits for everyone.  EMDR is an eight-phase treatment and depends on the presenting concerns of the client as to how quickly they will move through each phase.  Some research does suggest that one processing session is equivalent to 6 talk therapy sessions.

EMDR has 8 phases?

You read that right.  EMDR has 8 phases.  Here’s a brief description of the phase:

Phase 1 is a history taking phase.  These sessions focus on naming memories and events the client wants to processes.  The clinician is evaluating the client’s readiness to begin processing and helps tailor the EMDR treatment to the client.  This is also the best time for clients to share any nervousness they have about processing.

Phase 2 focuses on preparing the client for success by teaching the client specific, detailed self-soothing and coping techniques to handle different levels of emotional stress.

Phases 3-6 are the processing phases and take the most time.  These are the sessions where bilateral movements are utilized and memories are processed.  

Phase 7 is the closing phase where the processing is evaluated.  

Phase 8 closes the EMDR treatment and addressed progress and future direction.  

Who can benefit from EMDR?

EMDR can be utilized with a variety of clients of all ages (children, teens, and adults) wishing to work through a variety of concerns.  EMDR has had the most success with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Clients with other traumatic and stressful situations, anxiety, and panic disorders have also seen great benefits from EMDR.  If someone is experiencing heightened, distressing, and long-term emotional responses around specific events and experiences they might benefit from EMDR.
How do I get started?

Bethel Haven has an EMDR trained clinician that can help identify if this modality could be helpful for you.  You can call the office to set up an appointment. 

A few years back - I found myself stuck in a mental rut.  Years of deep rooted family issues came to a peak -  job insecurities and financial roller coasters, striving for perfection in a life of constant failures as a parent - balancing marriage, work, and community - internal pressures I placed on myself. 

As a result, my mind was in a constant state of noise - without peace or passion - not living only surviving.  I knew I was not walking in the freedom God so desires for us as His children.  Physically I was healthy - strong - active - however, my mental health was dwindling.   I kept asking myself ( and my community)- why can’t I get over it? Where is this coming from? 

I truly gave a good effort with all of MY power - which only caused more frustration.  I needed more - I deserved more - my family deserved more - I wanted LIFE- Joy - healing - hope.

I made the call. I reached out. At first, I felt as if counseling couldn’t possibly help me - it was not for me - it was a label I did not want.  However, I wanted to move forward, and this step was my next.  

After only one hour - one session- I was more aware than ever of all that I was constantly processing and how it was affecting my spiritual and mental outlook.  I was stuck. God had brought me to a place where in order to move forward I had to go back to allow healing and to process.  

Years of suppressed hurt from a divorced family and unhealthy boundaries within family had brought me to a point of exhaustion, failure, anxiety - I had to learn - to retrain - to work new brain muscles to fight these tendencies.  Through counseling I was led through healing prayers - God’s truths and love were spoken over me in new, life-changing ways. His constant presence revealed. Healing began.  I could see freedom - Hope was renewed.

Your story may not be my story.  Your needs not the same as my needs. But without a doubt - I know your mental health is as important to you as my mental health is to me.  Our thoughts affect our lives - our families’ lives. God desires for us is to live in His freedom - in His constant peace and love.   

Counseling is a journey from which I have been able to see constant growth in myself. I am encouraged along the path God has laid out for me to live my best life.  I am proud to say I see a counselor. I urge my friends to do the same. I have placed my middle school son in counseling before his first crisis. Why? 

Because our mental health is crucial. It gives us life over destruction - joy over hopelessness  - love over fear. 

Thank you to Ivey Broxton for sharing your story with us.

Finals week is here! Do you feel stressed? Overwhelmed? Like you don’t have enough time to do all the things you need to do? 

Did you know that high amounts of prolonged stress (hello, finals week!) can cause headaches, anxiety, restlessness, lack of motivation or focus, fatigue, sleep problems, feeling overwhelmed, social withdrawal and irritability? 

It feels impossible to study for finals without experiencing high levels of stress. But there are ways that you can decrease your stress that will ultimately help you be more productive as you study. Here are eleven things you can do while studying to help decrease stress symptoms so that you can be healthier and more balanced as you study: 

1. Surround yourself with positive people who encourage you. 
2. Take care of your physical needs - eat regular meals, get enough sleep, stay hydrated! 
3. Take a minute to laugh - watch a funny video or spend time with a friend.
4. Take a long shower or bath to relax. 
5. Get a change of scenery! Take a walk or study somewhere new. 
6. Stand up and stretch - pay attention to places in your body that you’re feeling tension.
7. Find an encouraging or inspiring quote to motivate you. 
8. Take 10 deep breaths when you start to feel overwhelmed.
9. Set a timer and take frequent breaks. 
10. Turn off your phone and/or stay off of social media.
11. Come to college de-stress night on May 2nd. 

We are offering an opportunity for college students to take a study break for an hour or two at our college de-stress night. On May 2nd from 6-8 we will be having yoga, snacks and mental health tips to help you de-stress and be even more energized to study for finals. Come join us at Athens Church and take some time to recharge! 

It is at the point in the school year where high school seniors are experiencing the peak of senioritis and all they can think about is what is next. Many high school seniors are looking ahead with great anticipation of starting their college experience. 

For many students, college is the “best four years of your life.” The reality is that the college transition can be a difficult one for many students. One of the best ways to prepare for this transition is to set realistic expectations for what this will be like. 

As a first year college student, you will have new responsibilities.
Some of these responsibilities include maintaining a schedule, getting yourself to class, meal preparation and/or planning, managing your finances or a budget and creating new community. 

Remember: Your responsibility will increase, but God's responsibility will stay the same. This means that you will need Him in new ways, and He will meet you in new ways.

2. As a first year college student, you will have more choices. 
These choices will include your classes, your major, your career, who you hang out with, and how you spend your time.

Remember: Watch out for the comparison trap or sacrificing your values in order to "fit in". For example: Your friends may have their "life planned out" but this does not matter. Embrace the path God has for you.

3. As a first year college student, you will experience rejection and failure (in new ways).
You may experience failure in the classroom. You may experience failure in attempts to make friends and meet new people. You may experiencing failure in managing new responsibilities. 

Remember: This happens to everyone. How you learn from failure and respond matters most. These moments are an opportunity to turn to God and see Him work in your life.

4. As a first year college student, you will experience a transition. 
Regardless of how prepared you are, everyone must transition to college life. There is no way that you can anticipate all of the changes to come. What you can do is prepare for these transitions by managing expectations and setting up a support system. 

Remember: Be prepared to experience some difficulty in your transition. It will most likely be challenging and that is okay. Who can support you?

College looks different for everyone. What is challenging for some seems easy for others. Some college freshman feel at home immediately while others need time to adapt. If you are a college freshman experiencing some of these challenges or a high school senior who would like to prepare for the transition, our counselors at Bethel Haven can help. Call our office at 706.310.9046 to make an appointment with a counselor. 

"Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough."  - Brene Brown

One of the most common things my clients hear me say: you are not a machine. You need rest. And sleeping during the night doesn't count as true rest. You can't just plug yourself in to charge at the end of the day like an iPhone or a computer. We truly find rest when we are able to sit quietly in the satisfaction who we are - regardless of what we accomplish.  

It is tempting to live life as if our daily "output" determines our worthiness. To live as if finishing a to-do list is the most meaningful thing about us. 

What if you woke up every morning and said to yourself: "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough?"

If we ascribe to Christianity and to being Christ-followers, we know that God did not design us to be little machines that output: "1 laundry, 4 errands, 3 bills paid." How many laundry and errands and paid bills does it take before we can accept our worthiness? 

We must accept that God does not see us the same way we see ourselves. At times, we only see all of the things we have failed to accomplish. We see all the ways we don't measure up. God sees as as worthy, as new creations in him (2 Corinthians 5:17). He offers us new mercies every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). 

Cultivate your courage, your compassion and your connection so that you can wake up every morning satisfied with the person you already are and have been created to be. True growth will come - not from the things that you accomplish but instead from the ways that you engage with worthiness from the person you already are.