Honoring Your Mental Health During the Holiday Season

For a lot of people this week kicks off the start of the holiday season, which often coincides with overloaded schedules and more visits with family.  Regardless of whether you love your family or you would rather spend time anywhere but there (wherever there is for you), many people have concerns about how to handle different conversations and take care of their mental health in this season.

Reminder: You can say “No” and it be a complete sentence.
Many of us forget that no can be a complete sentence.  As a society, we are used to people giving us explanations for saying no and then having those explanations judged as valid or not.  But here’s the thing - if we always say yes, our yeses can become less valuable because others assume we will always say yes. Saying no can help us build a culture of consent and teach people to honor our choices.  If the thought of saying “no, thanks” feels enormous, here are some other options:

• "If I say yes to this, I have to cancel plans that are already set."
• "That sounds amazing, but I’m going to have to pass this time."
• "I’ve decided on having one drink/glass/dessert/helping this time."
• "I can’t make that work, but how about (offer another possibility)."

And as a reminder, even if someone gets upset with your no, it doesn’t mean that you should have said yes.  

Permission slip: You have permission to choose what conversations you engage in.
There is nothing like the family table to bring up tense, heated discussions.  You are hereby granted, through the power of this blog post, to remove yourself from conversations you don’t want to participate in.  Not sure how to side step a conversation? Here are some ideas:

• "I would rather hear about what is keeping you busy than to discuss politics!"
• "I appreciate your interest, but I’m not comfortable talking about that.  Can you pass the potatoes?"
• "I'm thankful to have people in my life that are so interested in my next steps.  If anything new comes up or changes, I’ll let you know."
• "I’m not sure.  What is the most challenging part of college/marriage/parenthood/etc to you?"
• "That is any interesting question.  Are you concerned about me/the economy/politics/religion?"

Something to Note: You get to create boundaries that work for you.
Sometimes family members have exceptions about something because “it’s always been that way”.  If that works for you that is great, but sometimes old systems or expectations stop working for us as we age, grow, and create our own internal ideas.  This holiday season, you can create boundaries that work for you. They could look like this:

• "I can only stay until 5:00 because I have a long drive and work tomorrow."
• "I’m not giving hugs this year but I’d love to give you a high-five."
• "I can only make two dishes this year, what is most important to you?"
• "I am not engaging in conversations about weight and diet, excuse me (then walk away)."
• "I will be able to attend two family events this season."

Holidays can be hard, but they don’t have to negatively impact your mental health.  You can do this! You are capable and able to stand firm in your needs — don’t underestimate your personal power and conviction.