The holidays are upon us, and with the social gatherings, school breaks, and celebrations can often come stress and overwhelming feelings of loneliness. The holidays can often highlight our lack, bringing to the surface difficult emotions including grief, sadness, and anxiety. These emotions can feel as though they are on display in the midst of the expectations that come with the season. Practicing self-care during the holidays is helpful in getting through and enjoying this time of year as much as possible. Below are some tips and strategies to ensure that you are taking care of yourself during this season.

• Say “No”- It is okay to say “no” during this time of year (and always!)- even to good things! Holiday parties, cookie swaps, and shopping can become overwhelming. Be intentional about not overbooking your schedule. Prioritize all of your upcoming events, and choose the ones that will be life-giving for you. Say “no” to the ones that feel exhausting.
  

• Take time for yourself- Focus on the parts of the holiday season that are enjoyable to you! Make time in your schedule to do little things for you. Whether it’s reading a book or taking a warm bath, make time in the busyness to slow down, relax, and focus on yourself!
  

• Set boundaries- For many, this time of year means spending a great deal of time with the family. Don’t be afraid to set clear, firm boundaries with family if needed. It is important to take care of yourself, and sometimes that means spending limited time with certain family members who may affect you negatively.
  

• Move- Get outside and move! Exercise reduces stress. So go for a walk, take a jog through the park, or play with the dog outside!
  

• Gratitude- Find reasons to be thankful. Gratitude is a powerful practice. It has the ability to change our perspective on our current circumstances. Practicing gratitude daily is habit-forming and impactful on our perception of life!
  

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• Unplug- Take a day (or week!) and unplug from technology. If you are able, take a break from emails and social media. Social media can be a comparison trap, especially this time of year. Try to avoid comparing your life to the filtered versions of others’ lives portrayed on the internet. Briefly unplugging can help you return to work or school feeling energized and refreshed.

Be intentional this holiday season on what will be beneficial for you! Spend time with those who build you up and encourage you. Participate in activities that bring you joy. It’s important to know that you are not alone if you are feeling sad or anxious during the holiday season. If these feelings are persistent, consider seeking out a counselor for help in overcoming and coping with these emotions.

I will be the first to raise my hand and admit - the holidays bring me a special kind of stress. (Who can relate??) 

My parents are divorced and the holidays put me in a mental and emotional place that makes me feel ten years old - stuck in the middle between my parents. Add to the mix that I am newly married and trying to make sure my husband’s family doesn’t get ignored and you have a recipe for disaster. 

Not to mention the expectations that are represented in every Christmas commercial, Instagram post or movie - that Christmas is a magical time that brings everyone together. 

You know what? Sometimes Christmas kinda sucks. And I have a theory of why that is. It is a simple formula:

Unrealistic and/or unmet expectations
+ unstated and/or disrespected boundaries
= holiday stress 

1. Unhook yourself from unrealistic expectations and standards.
Christmas presents, cards, cookies, decorations, family photos - those don’t have to be perfect. It is okay if they are actually kind of terrible, in fact. Because life is not perfect - December 25th rolling around doesn’t somehow change that fact. 

2. Connect with feelings of sadness or anger over unmet expectations.
It is okay if you are angry, sad or frustrated because something did not go the way you hoped it would. It is okay to be disappointed that *that* family member disappointed you yet again. Release yourself from the pressure to act like everything is happy and perfect just because it is the holidays. 

3. State your boundaries clearly and SOON.
Let others know what they can expect from you. “We would love to host Christmas again but this is not a good year for us.” “We would love to see you on Christmas day but we have to do XYZ instead. We are so sad to miss it.” Be clear and firm. And remind yourself that boundaries are not unkind - but that it is kind to yourself (and others!) to set healthy boundaries. 

4. Have a plan for your boundaries that are not respected.
You asked your parents not to give your kids video games and they just unwrapped an Xbox - what are you going to do? You’ve asked your mom not to mention your ex-boyfriend and she brings it up over Christmas dinner. Plan for it! Maybe it means making an appointment with your counselor to prepare or asking a friend for coffee to talk through your options. 

Christmas comes around once a year, bringing lights and trees and stress along with it. The good news is, this too shall pass and you’ll have another 365 days to prepare for next year.

The bad news is, this old ‘holiday stress’ news will continue to be news until you take steps to change the cycle. Sometimes you need someone to help talk you through how to set and enforce boundaries. If you think talking with a counselor could be helpful, call Bethel Haven at (706) 310-9046 to schedule an appointment with one of our counselors.