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Cindy Robbins, LPC Leaving Addictions in the Past – Saying Goodbye to Lust and Hello to Freedom
If you’re reading this, you most likely have been impacted by lust in your own heart or impacted by it in a relationship with another. According to PornHub’s annual year-in-review statement, the United States was the leading country with a self-admitted addiction to pornography. Although sadly, only 14% of Americans in the study reported they believed porn use is wrong. As counselor who works with couples as well as individual adults, I can assure the damage done by porn cuts deeper than people want to admit. Even if you think pornography use is innocent, normal, or even helpful, I want you to think more long-term. Fantasy creates a dangerous expectation that in turn creates a disappointing reality. This is true for things in the related field, such as daydreaming about another person in a sexual context, reading exotic novels, as well as the more obvious version of being actively involved in an affair or relationship that is promiscuous and based upon physical attraction or touch. The truth is that real connection is difficult and complicated. Human beings have physical desires and intimate reactions when something stimulates us, but emotionally we all seek love and belonging which only real connection can provide. When we seek these desires, even unknowingly, in fantasied or secret relationships, we end up realizing it’s a smoke screen – something that seems real yet we discover it’s shallow and doesn’t satisfy. This is where addiction begins – when something doesn’t satisfy and needs more consumption to combat the lie that next time it will meet our needs. Instead, leave behind your past habits in 2024. Put in the hard work to find an accountability partner/friend that shares your goals and seek to repair and engage in real, committed relationships based upon mutual respect.
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Allison Mauldin, Grad Intern Part I: Pay Now or Pay Later, That is the Question & Stepping Off the Proverbial People-Pleasing Merry-Go-Round
"Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner." ~Unknown Temporarily pleasant or lasting peace? In saying yes to everyone else around you, over time, an individual struggles to say yes to his or her own needs. After experiencing a long string of “yeses” to family, friends, or work colleagues, have you ever felt like someone stuck a straw in your back and sucked the life right out of you? In essence, drained. In other words, does an individual simply wake up one day and say, “When I grow up, I want to be a people pleaser.” Of course, not. In fact, this behavior usually develops early on in an individual’s life, typically during childhood due to several specific factors, such as a desire to feel accepted, safe and secure, a sense of belonging, past traumas, or a fear of being rejected or abandoned, to name just a few. As a recovering people-pleaser, I know the struggle is real. Case in point… Imagine sitting in a nail salon chair experiencing a much-awaited pedicure and restful bliss where the stresses of life melt away when your insides alert you that it is time to run to the “loo.” It must have been that combined cup of water and venti café mocha from Starbucks that did the job. Anyway, said dedicated nail technician is actively working on your less than desirable cuticles and callouses when the urge strikes. Hmm… to interrupt or not to interrupt the technician, that is the question. As you inwardly debate your next course of action, and how “pressing” one’s growing needs are, the increased pressure decides for you, as you awkwardly saunter off with your bare toes to find relief. Perhaps this small scenario is unrelatable but a more pronounced people-pleasing scenario centering around “the most wonderful time of the year,” aka the holiday season, complete with family or extended relatives, might be more relatable. Or consider the following scenario. A friend paints a mural on your wall; however, it is different than the picture you showed to her. Do you… A) Thank her profusely and tell her it is just what you envisioned and is perfect, going on and on about her artistry skills. B) Simply thank her and say nothing else but inwardly cringe and try to think of other options. C) Politely thank her for her hard work and mention a few things about the mural you would like changed. Whatever the case may be, what makes an individual wait till the pressure is mounting, either literally or figuratively, to find relief and to take care of one’s basic necessities for a healthy life, or to express one’s own unique wishes? Such seems to be the case with people-pleasing and, if this indeed presents itself as a real struggle to you, a solid first step is to approach it from a place of curiosity. If you are wondering if you are indeed a people-pleaser, many tell-tale signs exist, such as difficulty saying no and setting effective boundaries around yourself and your resources, seeking validation, approval, and reassurance from others, avoiding conflict and voicing your opinions for the sake of keeping the peace, apologizing when it is not your fault or necessary in order to smooth the situation over, ignoring or putting on the back burner your own goals and needs at the expense of others, or experiencing guilt when you do choose to give priority to your own needs and not accommodate others, and a host more. I am including a link to a free 20 question test below I discovered on Psychology Today. (If interested, simply click on the questions, not the green button, and enter your zip code to see your free results.) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/relationships/people-pleasing-test With the approaching winter weather, I will leave you with a humorous yet applicable reminder to not “… set yourself on fire to keep others warm” (~Penny Reid in the Beard in Mind). Part II Coming Soon: Exploring the Tell-tale Signs of People-Pleasing, the Causes of People-Pleasing, & Helpful Strategies to Overcome It Ashlyn LaClair, Grad Intern Eating disorders are complex psychological disorders with serious physical consequences. Some common symptoms are dietary restrictions, weight changes, negative body image, binging, purging (including excessive exercise), and excessive thoughts about food, weight, and/or body image. Eating disorders occur across a spectrum and one does not have to be classified as “underweight” to be suffering from a serious eating disorder. Despite common belief, eating disorders and body dysmorphia affect people of all genders, cultures, ages, and body shapes. And let’s face it: We live in a digital age, bombarded by images of unrealistic, unattainable beauty standards, as well as messages about toxic and unsustainable diets, which leads many to dissatisfaction and distress about their own body’s.
Eating disorders and body dysmorphia, though often fixated on food, weight, body image, and distress with one’s own physical shape, are often about so much more. If your thoughts and behaviors about food, weight, or body image are causing you distress, I encourage you to get curious about what more lies underneath that. Is it shame? Perfectionism? Low self-esteem? Need for control? History of abuse? Depression or anxiety? The list goes on. If you feel overwhelmed or distressed with thoughts about food, weight, or body image, or your thoughts and behaviors are affecting your daily functioning, it might be time to reach out to a professional. You can’t live a full life on an empty stomach. Recovery and freedom are possible and you are worthy of it. And remember: You are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator Himself! (Psalm 139) Karis Austin, Grad Intern As some of the most prevalent mental health disorders, you may have experienced symptoms of depression or anxiety. Anxiety is characterized by overwhelming feelings of fear, dread, or unease in response to stress. Depression is defined by profound sadness, irritability, and hopelessness, which can lead to fatigue, decreased motivation, and a loss of interest in activities. These symptoms can arise from various factors, including trauma that may result in negative thought patterns, low self-esteem, and poor coping mechanisms, as well as substance misuse, medical conditions, or genetic predispositions. Both anxiety and depression can hinder an individual's ability to flourish.
These disorders can complicate even the simplest tasks, interfering with daily functioning and eroding self-worth and identity. As a result, individuals experiencing these symptoms often become overly critical of themselves and set unrealistic expectations. If someone is facing symptoms of anxiety or depression, it’s crucial that they acknowledge their feelings and keep track of them. Noting when and what they are feeling can help identify potential triggers or harmful habits. If symptoms significantly impair daily functioning or disrupt life, seeking therapeutic support is recommended. Counselors can assist clients in developing skills to counter negative thought patterns and establish healthier behavioral habits. Together, clients and counselors can create a treatment plan that fosters healing and encourages authentic living. Counselors understand that life is complex and challenging and aim to walk alongside and support clients on their healing journey. They empower clients to reclaim their lives, not allowing their trauma to control them, and to find new ways to thrive. Andy Simon, LAPC Many, (possibly you!) chose to participate in “Dry January,” also known as a one-month alcohol campaign, or OMAC. After a holiday season where one’s consumption may have been more than desired, a month-long break from drinking can provide a chance to reset and evaluate substance use goals for the new year. Research shows that completing a month of sobriety is correlated with healthier consumption and overall mental health benefits after the month is over, including up to as much as six months later (de Ternay et al., 2022). This study also argued that those who completed a similar period of sobriety also achieved greater overall physical health, as the period was used by many as a chance to gain greater control of their overall health, not limited to their substance use (de Ternay et al., 2022).
Whether you are seeking a break from use and want to process the impacts that substances have on your daily life, or you are seeking full sobriety, counseling can help you succeed. Overcoming substance use often requires a team of support and a counselor can be a helpful part of this team. Often, simply understanding the triggers that lead one to use substances and having accountability around that use is a solid foundation to beginning a journey toward sobriety. Since many people use substances as a way to cope with difficult situations, understanding your reaction to challenges in your life and improving coping skills also goes a long way to changing your behavior. If you or someone you know would like to change behaviors toward substances in 2025, Bethel Haven has many licensed therapists who can help you along your journey. Please reach out to schedule an appointment; we look forward to working with you. de Ternay, J., Leblanc, P., Michel, P., Benyamina, A., Naassila, M., & Rolland, B. (2022). One-month alcohol abstinence national campaigns: A scoping review of the harm reduction benefits. Harm Reduction Journal, 19(1), 24-24. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12954-022-00603-x Jenna Pilkington, Therapist Who am I?
Who do I want to be? Where is it that I fit? Do I even matter? So many of us walk through life with these very questions lingering in the back of our minds, taking up space, making us feel heavy, and ultimately getting in the way of our ability to live out the very person God has created us to be. Self-identity is defined by the American Psychological Association as “an individuals’ sense of self, identity by (a) a set of physical, psychological, or interpersonal characteristics that are not wholly shared with another person and (b) a range of affiliations and social roles.” Humans yearn to make sense of this complex world so we make a note of our memories, expectations, beliefs, and values, and we use this information to bring about a sense of clarity. We do this through self-identity theory; we first create social categorizations of the world around us, we then venture into social identification and begin living into the very categories we feel we belong in, and then we complete the process through social comparison where we form options, positive and negative, about ourselves and the world around us. So often though, the logical progression of self-identity gets skewed by unhelpful thought patterns we’ve adopted over time, little by little. These thoughts often fuel our very own self-worth; self-worth is defined by the APA as “an individual's evaluation of themselves as a valuable, capable human, deserving of respect and consideration.” In a world created by logic and emotion together, there are contingencies to self-worth. Poor self-worth can be the belief fueling depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance use, relationship difficulties, some personality disorders, and other mental health concerns. We owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to develop a sense of self-worth by sifting through both biblical and psychological truths when we feel anything less than deserving of respect and consideration. Fern Rainwater, MSW Trauma is difficult to define and describe in that it is extremely subjective to each person’s experience. For the purposes of general understanding, I have included a blanket, broad definition of Trauma. Trauma is a significant event or experience that heavily impacts the way one views themselves, their community, or the world around them. For example, two people may experience the exact same event, but one person is considered “traumatized” and the other is not. The way our brains experience trauma varies so much from person to person. Many people who have experienced trauma have learned not to simply “let go” of their experience, but have learned how to move forward despite their trauma.
People who have experienced trauma might be hesitant to seek counseling because of pre-conceived pressure to share details of their traumatic experiences. However, it is really important to know that counselors trained in trauma therapy will always prioritize the clients’ timing and autonomy in talking about the trauma. Trauma often takes away an individual's power in a given situation, so therapy is a safe space to gain that power back. Trauma will never go away or be erased from your life. The good news is that you can certainly learn to move forward in a way that honors yourself and your experience. We will never seek a silver lining with trauma, but rather learn to celebrate your resilience and depth as a result of the trauma. Seeking trauma therapy can help you find safety and power again. Madison Drake, APC Welcome to 2025! With the new year comes many new ideas on how to “be your best self”, but in order to do that, there are some things that need to be left behind. The goal of this post is to encourage you to leave 2024 in 2024 (the “should haves”, the almosts, the bad habits, etc.) and enter into a new year with grace and determination. One of the things that many of us are struggling to do is let go, whether it be to let go of bad memories, or truly let go and experience life at a more relaxed speed. The bulk of this blog will be to hopefully encourage the letting go of bad habits. This blog is about a chronic, relapsing brain disease that is characterized by compulsive “drug” seeking and use, despite the harmful consequences; addiction and the many ways it shows up in our lives. There are separate segments of this post, and if one resonates with you, click the word or phrase to read more. The counselors of Bethel Haven have collaborated in this blog post to contribute their research and knowledge of each of these topics listed below.
Addiction is defined as a pathology affecting decision-making power, emotional balance, voluntary control of behaviors not only in cases of consumption but also in behavioral dependencies. “The social environment, stages of development and genetic factors are closely linked to the vulnerability of addiction” (Karila, L., Benyamina, A., 2019). It is characterized by the changes in the brain system that is responsible for memory and cognitive control. Addiction can show up in many areas, some of which are: substances, porn and affairs, social media and technology, anxiety and depression, relationships with food, productivity, people pleasing, and even trauma. At least one in every four people in America has had exposure and experience with addiction either alone, or through a family member (Henderson, E., 2009). That number has not really changed since then. Addiction is not cheap, some have spent billions because of their addiction without even noticing it, others have spent billions of hours dedicated to this one thing, believing that it is helping. Turning to substance (or scrolling social media, or over-eating, or over-exercising, or always saying yes and lacking boundaries, etc.) is often related to a coping mechanism for those who have experienced trauma, or who come from a family with a history of mental illness. There is not usually a warning on the bottle that says “this will not actually help”. With an addiction, one might feel an intense feeling of hopelessness, but be encouraged, there is hope and help is right here. Addiction is often viewed as a form of self-medicating; it fills the holes that have been created in our lives with a second of happiness that we hope will help. Because of the chase for a quick dopamine hit, addiction has become one of the root causes for anxiety and depression (Lewis, M. 2017). When one is held captive to an addiction, it is because the brain has categorized this thing as a pleasure or reward. This, in short, means that your brain has created a “false dopamine” that encourages you to want something more. The rush after checking everything off the mile long to-do list may feel rewarding, but there will be another list tomorrow. The “habit” of checking the social media platform of preference for “just five more minutes” turns into a must, and the brain is craving more because the funny cat videos must be better than the eight hours of sleep you actually need. Addiction is hijacking the pleasure and reward circuit of the brain which leaves one wanting even more. Addiction can also send you into emotional danger, eventually leading to higher anxiety and more stress when not using your “drug” of choice (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2024). To wrap this up, addiction is fundamentally about compulsive behavior. It may feel unbreakable, but there is help. The more broad-based treatment one receives, the better the outcome. Leave your addiction, your feelings of hopelessness, your regrets and wasted time in 2024, and reach out to a counselor today to create a better tomorrow. Addiction is hard to break on your own. We are all here for you no matter what. Henderson, E. C. (2009). Understanding addiction. University Press of Mississippi. Karila, L., & Benyamina, A. (2019). Addictions. Revue Des Maladies Respiratoires, 36(2), 233–240. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.rmr.2018.12.001 Lewis, M. (2017). Addiction and the brain: Development, not disease. Neuroethics, 10(1), 7–18. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12152-016-9293-4 Nguyen, T. (2024, March 15). Why Mental Health Disorders & Addiction must be treated together. Mount Sinai Wellness Center. https://www.mtsinaiwellness.com/blog/2021/june/why-mental-health-disorders-addiction-must-be-treated-together/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=ratnawat&utm_keyword=&utm_campaign=RG+-+MTS+-+DSA&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAu8W6BhC-ARIsACEQoDBmIhjhP2oGApCqKyHF5baTKdGSNYHgLo_cfVlte5TdxF3hCwHOt-8aAuISEALw_wcB U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2024, June 17). Biology of addiction. National Institutes of Health. https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2015/10/biology-addiction#:~:text=Drugs%20or%20alcohol%20can%20hijack,using%20the%20drugs%20or%20alcohol. |
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April 2025
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1622 Mars Hill Road Suite A Watkinsville, GA 30677
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Bethel Haven, Inc.
Copyright © 2016
1622 Mars Hill Road Suite A Watkinsville, GA 30677
P: 706-310-9046
[email protected]
Bethel Haven, Inc.
Copyright © 2016
